The Road of Recovery

     Hey everyone!! I know it has been a bit regarding my blog and anything regarding my life, and my businesses. There has been so much that has happened since my last post. I have moved and so much more. Todays post is gonna be pretty short and sweet due to having not enough time to write a long and detailed post. I just wanted to let everyone who reads I am changing up when I post throughout the week. I haven't decided when all I know is remembering to do Blog Post Thursdays is getting to the point where I need to see how to schedule the posts. For now I am just going to post when I can, once I figure out the automatic posting I will go back to probably posting on Thursdays instead of random.      Another thing I want to let everyone know that I am currently working on a project with a good friend of mine. Can't say what it is but I do want to say that it's going to be amazing, I can't wait for it to be finished and I can share more information.  ...

     So I have a feeling a ton of my readers have been wondering why there hasn't been many blog post for basically the entire month of July. Well there are many different reasons and I will be gladly to share them with you. However there is a bit of sanity with my madness. Just like many different TV shows, books and so many more different entertainment platforms out there. There are many rollercoasters involved in the storyline or plot of the episode and chapter of the book. This blog post will be similar to those of a TV show or even a chapter in a book, full of rollercoasters and many different chaotic ideas and events. so strap in and get ready to hear the story of what July 2020 has been for me.      As many probably already know I have been previously involved with a young man that is my best friend. We of course mutually broke up in February before all of this COVID nonsense happen. Of course months later after understanding myself mo...

I am so excited and proud of myself regarding what I got to do this last Monday!! I have always wanted to be a photographer and I'm slowly learning the ropes and hopefully in the future being a locally known photographer here in Rio/ABQ. Its been so much fun learning and being apart of an amazing way to show creativity and memories.  This last Monday was my very first solo session. I took a friend of mine and her boyfriend to the Alameda Open Space to take some cute and amazing couple photos. I was so nervous regarding I always assisted on sessions never actually taken photos. So when we got there I had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction but that wasn't anything I couldn't handle.  After fixing that little situation we went into the bosque.. I was so nervous and slightly unprepared for the poses I wanted to do. I looked slightly like an idiot but once I got into things it just flowed the rest of the afternoon. It was fun being able to capture some goofy/romantic moments betwee...

As we all go back to normal regarding everything with Covid. Things are changing in many different ways as well. So I have my own job, car and getting to be more independent. Yesterday I was told there is a probability of my family moving to a different home. Its scary to think of leaving the home we're in now and then going somewhere else. But God is in control and I have faith that we will get thru it together. Its been a struggle with everything else in my world. But I am 100% curtain that God will give us what we need and provide us with everything. He is in control and He is good in all things! 

I can't believe I actually have a job! I mean I always knew someday I would but I never thought it would happen because of a pandemic happened in the country!  Let me explain a bit more if you're new to reading my lovely blog. First sorry for not posting for like I think two weeks I've been well bored, nothing interesting has happened and I don't wanna bring too much negative to this.  So a bit of a side note really quick here.... All lives matter and Black lives are the ones that are targeted the most. Even though its not like it was in past history but they still have to live differently than I do a young 22yr old white woman. I have many friends that are of color and are amazing humans. I also have friends who are amazing and wonderful cops also. Do we have some corrupt people in uniform of course but we have corrupt people almost everywhere. So be kind to each other and love each other like God loves us.  Now on to the real topic of the post. So since things have be...

So I know I've been MIA for a bit regarding my blog posts. I've been busy with life and trying to figure out what to write wasn't easy until last week!!  A lot of you that read know that I used to drive a Prius and I loved that car, however due to reasons of financial struggle I had to give it up. I have been searching and searching for a car for over a year. Nothing came to mind ever, I felt like all was lost.  Then during all of this pandemic/covid-19 I have received money thru unemployment and other things I've been doing and after waiting.. I found a 2008 Hyundai Elantra. It only cost $3000 and I purchased it in cash. The title is in my name and I couldn't be happier to own my own car!! I absolutely love this thing. The sad part of the story is after I bought it I broke my foot only a few days after 😂 But in the end I have a car of my own. One small step to "freedom" 

I know this is a late post. Been trying to think of what to write about. The other day I received a priceless gift from my mother. Something that I will never lose or even trade for anything in this world.  Growing up my Grandmother (my mom's mom) was literally my best friend along side my grandfather (mom's father) these two were always there for me. I could always count on them for anything. Being a young kid and on to being an adult my grandmother would always say this one phrase to express her love to me and my younger sister. She would always say " I love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck" this was always a special thing to hear from her all the time.  When my grandmother passed away  May 22nd 2016, I thought I would never hear that phrase ever again. Until my mom received a package in the mail on Wednesday the 6th of May. I thought nothing of it, that it was just a simple ring or necklace. I was wrong. She handed me the pendant upside down, when ...

Ever since I came home I never understood what it meant to be hitting rock bottom. Many people I know in a similar situation like me have been there and have stayed there at the bottom. I want to put it out there that you're never alone. No matter where you're in your journey in recovery or even when you're starting recovery you're strong and courageous.  I remember when I was starting to realize how weak and helpless I felt like I couldn't do anything in my life. Now being home and in recovery I don't know how I would be if I didn't have the support I have no idea where I'd be. Hitting rock bottom seems like you're drowning and can't breathe.  If there is anyone out there reading this who needs someone to understand.. I am here. I'm willing to listen. I'm willing to talk. I have been through the  a few times and have survived. You're never alone. Please if you're like me right now stuck indoors with nothing to do, just remember t...

I wanted this weeks post to be pretty short and sweet. However, there isn't a lot for me to talk about but there is a lot for me to think. So why not just write what I am thinking and embrase how I am feeling.  Since we have been stuck inside with our families. I'm beginning to feel really tired,a burden, like I'm not needed around. Now before you whoever is reading this thinks I'm suicidal I'm not. I've been completely healthy with that idea for now a year. But the feeling of depression and anxiety do exist, and I feel it all everyday, and all hours of the day.  My depression and anxiety have run my life for years. I have struggled with finding a new normal. This quarantine has really scraped on scabs that I didn't want to pick, and scars that I wanted to forget. Memories that haunt my dreams every night. This sucks! I feel trapped, like I can't breathe. My room is starting to feel like a never ending cage. I'm a caged animal and its becoming more d...

Ok.. So I have been trying to be an Independent Beauty Consultant for a cosmetics company called Mary Kay. Now I don't want you reading this think I'm trying to sell you something with this post, cause I am not. I just want to express how this opportunity has changed my life. I used to think I'd be working a 9-5 job and living ony own by this stage of my life. But being home for a year working hard on my health and my education, I got the opportunity to start my own small business. I know right now its hard for many different businesseas cause of the COVID-19 Virus. I know this personally because a  friend of mine can't work hers Photograohy buisness because of the virus which sucks big time. So being a part of a company that is still available is amazing! I am so blessed, even though I haven't done much regarding this but I am going in the right direction. Mary Kay had provided me an outlit that I have been needing since I have been home. I was told by a few medica...

Ever since COVID-19 became a pandemic here in the US, my mental health and stability has taken a bit of a downward spiral. Staying indoors to help not spread the virus is 100% a good thing, however for an extrovert like myself not so much. I understand it is all for safety measures and to make sure we can stop the death toll from increasing. I just think it's insane to have to stay locked up, my own home is starting to feel like a prison but I actually have to like my fellow "inmates".  It's hard to think I've been told not to isolate and now I have to... It's frustrating and difficult.  Its a real struggle trying to stay positive and not going back into my old way of thinking about life, trying to move forward even though it feels like the world has hit the pause button for now. I have started to really take this blog thing more seriously as I am working through this craziness. Another thing is for those who do read my blog if there are any suggestions ...

Its been one year to the day that I moved home from Tucson Arizona to Rio Rancho New Mexico due to mental health. Its been one crazy year.. I went from hating the world and myself to now hating the world due to the virus but loving myself,working hard and living life to the fullest. From therapies to medication. Going to groups and being involved with everyone I can. Right now it is crazy regarding being told to stay in doors when I worked for a year to stay away from isolation. I am super proud of myself for all of the hard work I have done. The path I am on now is better than before. I look back and see what I could've done better however, I honestly wouldn't change anything. Even though it might sound crazy but its the truth. If I didn't go through the storm and trials I did, I believe I wouldn't be here today. I went from being suicidal to going to college, starting my business with Mary Kay, working with my friend on photography.  I am blessed for my crazy in order...

     In times like this, I sit back and think..What the hell is going on in today's age? As we continue to know little about this virus the more the hysteria continues. I being an immuned compromised I am really being affected by this. I am now stuck in my own house doing homework, school pretty much everything. I know the caution is needed due to the fact it is contagious. However causing hysteria, hoarding things like toilet paper and paper towels are absolutely insane and ridiculous. There are people out there right now as you're reading who don't have anything they need because people are buying it all. Some are elderly in need of not only toilet paper.           Being known as a young adult in this craziness known as COVID-19, think about how we're treating these people who need more help than I and I just am slightly disappointed in how we're. If I could I'd buy groceries for those elderly that need it the most. I really hope that after a...

Throughout my life, I have always lived pretty close by those I truly love and care for. Recently since I moved home to get treatment and to start a life that I couldn't even imagine, I now have friends who live not 3-5 miles but over 500 or more. I also have a family. Living in New Mexico is amazing, I love it here it is home and always will be no matter where I am in the world, No having family and friends who live miles away is pretty tough. I mean I can't just go over to see them any time I want. I have to think about the time difference most of the time and well the schedule of each person too. I'm no longer in high school where we can just hang out and not worry about things. Now we are all adults with our lives in different paths on the journey, For me though having the family and friends that I do here in town and not has really given me a different perspective on the thought of what it really means to be a true friend or what really counts as family. In my def...

Through my journey of recovery, I have gotten to points where I don't feel like I am even worthy of all the hard work everyone has placed in me. When I came home in 2019, I felt there was nothing I could do to be better. I was not wanting to be in treatment. I thought I was unqualified, unwilling and not even worth the time. These three things running through my head no longer exist now. Its been almost a year that I have returned home and I have realized after going through the motions that I am qualified, willing and worth the time it takes to work hard to make it through each and every program I am involved at this time. I attend a group, individual therapy. There are medications involved and a lot of coping skills learned and used throughout my life. Before I came home feeling these types of feelings began to take over and create a dark and cold existence. While I sit here in front of my laptop writing this I have been seeing memories on Facebook from this time a year ago,...

Last year around this time I was very emotionally not strong enough to handle a ton of different things.. Its now almost been a year and I am dealing with something I never thought I would be. My relationship of 2 1/2 years is over. Even though it hurts and it sucks like so much. I'm slightly relieved that we're no longer in a serious romantic relationship.  After a lot of consideration and thinking my bf of 2 1/2 broke up with me.. I know kinda a shitty move the day after Valentines day. However, he needed to. It was what was best for him and his mental well being.  Having different mental illnesses myself if this happened a year ago, I would've been in a hospital under suicide watch due to having my heart broken by someone I cared for. Now I still and will always love this boy.. I have no hard feeling or anything against him. He is my best friend and that isn't changing.  But the fact I can look at myself as realize I would've been under suicide watch amazes me on...

Ever wonder if there is more to something then what you can see on the outside. Does anyone really take a moment to even ask what might be in their head? This is my life daily regarding living not only with anxiety and PTSD  but also depression. Living with this can go from being extremely happy and willing to do anything and everything for the day, then it can go to just wanting to sit alone in a dark room and not wanting anything to do with the world. It's as dark as the night sky while sailing on the sea. You can't even see the end of the ship and then you hit an iceberg. Basically enough said living with depression can be like sailing on the Titanic with no lifeboats. As the darkness surrounds there isn't much that can be done to get out. Sometimes the support from family and friends brings a bit of light to the situation however, that only lasts for so long then you're right back where you were before. Pretending seems the only way to get through a day in one ...

Having PTSD and Anxiety and so many more different mental illnesses has brought a whole different aspect to life itself. Living with mental illnesses isn't as easy as some medical commercials make it out to be. Sometimes you're up for hours at night crying because of an attack you just had after a nightmare, or even pacing your bedroom at night trying to remain calm. Another example is attending a church service of somewhere you are supposed to be safe and can't stay because your anxiety is through the roof. There are many different types of PTSD or Anxiety attacks known to man. There are many different medications, therapies, and group therapies as well. The one thing that allows me to feel normal in my everyday life is my Service Dog (SD) Soka. Soka is a 5-year-old German Shepherd Lab Mix. She lived a very miserable life before she was in my life. Her life was either 24/7 in the Arizona weather or 18 hours in a dog crate with no human interaction from anyone. We broug...

        At the beginning of this journey, I never thought I would be behind a computer telling my story. I always thought writing it all out would help in the result of hopefully helping other people who are in my shoes. Growing up I always thought to have mental health was a "crime" or it was a result of being "crazy".  In all reality, it isn't all "crazy" or even a "crime".       Having mental health is apart of life on some spectrum. Being diagnosed isn't a curse or a sickness. Even though many do believe this to be true it is a bunch of well bullshit. Society puts a crazy sticker on this topic even this sticker doesn't even need to exist. We need to be more patient and kinder to these people.     Being diagnosed with 5 different mental illnesses, this becomes even more clear to me every day I get into a car and go to therapy and group. I think to myself am I really this crazy? Am I even worth all of this work and trouble? The...

   "You're just overreacting Cass there is nothing to worry about." I hear this as my body feels like ice and there is a buzzing sound in my head. The buzzing gets louder and louder as my hands started to tingle. I was having a panic attack and no one knew. The signs of a panic or anxiety attack are not always noticeable. Many people believe they are pretty much the same. However, from my own experience, they are exactly the same. Having a panic or anxiety attack can feel like the entire world is crashing around in one flash of a moment. All sense of reality is broken and twisted. Trying to come out of it is like trying to deactivate a bomb. Everything just comes crashing down. Breathing is nonexistent, the sound in your ear is deafening. Many people that I know in my life, who don't understand think that when this all happens to a person they are either overreacting and just wanting attention. When I hear this my entire self-esteem crashes, I become dormant and ...

                     "Just deal with it!"   "You're fine, it's just a phase"  "You're overreacting"      These are three of the different things that I would be told regarding having an anxiety attack. It was always hard hearing these things. It brought my self-esteem to a low point and brought me to a very dark moment in my life. Being told these on a slight daily basis brought fear and hatred to my life.     Living with anxiety can feel like living in a constant action film. Always on guard and always making sure things stayed in control. It became almost like the entire world was closing in on me. The sensation of this would bring only fear and destruction. I struggled with being a normal person.     The anxiety attacks would first be short and sweet. After years of trama and struggles, the attacks became more of a living monster holding tight to my arm never letting go. I...

Hello!! Welcome to my blog. My name is CJ McCreight but no need to be formal just call me CJ. I am 22 years old and living life as best as I can, I wanted to start this blog to record and share my experiences and advice regarding mental health and my own recovery story. I hope to spread the awareness of mental health and the resources that are available. Before I begin and diving deep into this whole blogging thing, I wanted to provide a bit of more information about what I will be trying to accomplish. My accomplishments with this blog will be... 1. Being able to provide a safe place for people to communicate and reach out for help. I'm not a therapist or a doctor. I am only an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. 2. Showing that even though I may seem alright on the outside, there is a ton of darkness inside. It\s ok to not be ok. It's strength, not a weakness 3. Giving an outreach for those who need it. Again I am not a therapist , or a doctor of any kind. I am...