Grieving the Old Normal and Embracing the New

I wanted this weeks post to be pretty short and sweet. However, there isn't a lot for me to talk about but there is a lot for me to think. So why not just write what I am thinking and embrase how I am feeling. 

Since we have been stuck inside with our families. I'm beginning to feel really tired,a burden, like I'm not needed around. Now before you whoever is reading this thinks I'm suicidal I'm not. I've been completely healthy with that idea for now a year. But the feeling of depression and anxiety do exist, and I feel it all everyday, and all hours of the day. 

My depression and anxiety have run my life for years. I have struggled with finding a new normal. This quarantine has really scraped on scabs that I didn't want to pick, and scars that I wanted to forget. Memories that haunt my dreams every night. This sucks! I feel trapped, like I can't breathe. My room is starting to feel like a never ending cage. I'm a caged animal and its becoming more difficult to stay calm and collected. The longer I am in my house the more I'm getting stir crazy.  I'm missing my normal. 

My normal was seeing friends physically, being able to grab a cup of coffee, go to a movie anything else that includes human interaction. Seeing only my parents,sister and my pets is starting to feel like groundhog day over and over again. I hate feeling like a prisoner who can't even leave. My stomach is in knots all the time, my mind races at the speed of sound. I can't sit still.

I need a new sense of new. A new normal, a new sense of security and protection. But I don't know how. I don't wanna let go of what I know and change everything again. I have survived many different types of changes in my life but this one seems almost impossible. I can't breathe. This needs to be over, but I know that won't be for awhile. I need to take this time to rethink what I know, excepting this as my new normal, and I just have to take a breath and move forward slowly. I know I just need to allow God to bring my anxiety to rest and embrace the normal of flowing his lead and allow him to be the Commander of this ship! 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

God is in Control

Image
As we all go back to normal regarding everything with Covid. Things are changing in many different ways as well. So I have my own job, car and getting to be more independent. Yesterday I was told there is a probability of my family moving to a different home. Its scary to think of leaving the home we're in now and then going somewhere else. But God is in control and I have faith that we will get thru it together. Its been a struggle with everything else in my world. But I am 100% curtain that God will give us what we need and provide us with everything. He is in control and He is good in all things! 
Read more

First Solo Couples Session!!

Image
I am so excited and proud of myself regarding what I got to do this last Monday!! I have always wanted to be a photographer and I'm slowly learning the ropes and hopefully in the future being a locally known photographer here in Rio/ABQ. Its been so much fun learning and being apart of an amazing way to show creativity and memories.  This last Monday was my very first solo session. I took a friend of mine and her boyfriend to the Alameda Open Space to take some cute and amazing couple photos. I was so nervous regarding I always assisted on sessions never actually taken photos. So when we got there I had a bit of a wardrobe malfunction but that wasn't anything I couldn't handle.  After fixing that little situation we went into the bosque.. I was so nervous and slightly unprepared for the poses I wanted to do. I looked slightly like an idiot but once I got into things it just flowed the rest of the afternoon. It was fun being able to capture some goofy/romantic moments betwee...
Read more

Got a Job!!!

Image
I can't believe I actually have a job! I mean I always knew someday I would but I never thought it would happen because of a pandemic happened in the country!  Let me explain a bit more if you're new to reading my lovely blog. First sorry for not posting for like I think two weeks I've been well bored, nothing interesting has happened and I don't wanna bring too much negative to this.  So a bit of a side note really quick here.... All lives matter and Black lives are the ones that are targeted the most. Even though its not like it was in past history but they still have to live differently than I do a young 22yr old white woman. I have many friends that are of color and are amazing humans. I also have friends who are amazing and wonderful cops also. Do we have some corrupt people in uniform of course but we have corrupt people almost everywhere. So be kind to each other and love each other like God loves us.  Now on to the real topic of the post. So since things have be...
Read more